With only two posts up I have already been getting some feedback from friends and family, which is very encouraging. As someone that tries very hard to be positive and find the humor in any situation, publishing a blog about some of the darker parts of my life make me feel a little vulnerable and perhaps a bit like I have failed in some way. Yet after hitting the submit button I let go of a piece of my burden and it is very freeing (and apparently comforting to some of you out there facing the same challenges).
While I have been able to deal with the tide of bad events that often comes to shore, I have found that the challenges have started to create a flood that has consumed the horizon. As a very goal oriented person, not knowing what is “coming next” makes me feel like I am losing control, which in turn totally freaks me out. So, maybe I am a little bit of a control freak… but aren’t we all? For so many people out there, knowing what they want to do is the problem. I have NEVER had that problem. I have at some point wanted to be a: vet, inventor, scientist, sailor, athlete, marine biologist, artist, actor, writer, politician, activist, professor, reporter/journalist, executive director, farmer, professional tree house builder, entrepreneur, dog trainer, researcher, and photographer. Considering I starting “working” long before legally able , I have actually held or experienced most of these positions. My issue is that my interests are so broad that focusing my energy has always been a challenge. I want to do it all. Did I mention that I am an overachiever? As my dear friend Cedric put in his comment to my blog: “Nikki, you have too many talents to boil them down into a “job”.”
The point I am at now is figuring out which path I should take and then figuring out how the hell I plan on getting there… quite literally… since I still only have a bike. At this point I am trying to take my own advice (from the younger, less jaded me), which is found on my bedroom wall:
In the mean time, I will continue to make the best of my current jobs and try to save up some money in case I pull a Jerry McGuire, write a mission statement, and walk out with the office fish. 🙂